


here we go again

by excorde (constant)



Category: Lee Hi (Musician), iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Arguing, Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, F/M, Fighting, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25756435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constant/pseuds/excorde
Summary: Hayi swears she will not let Hanbin get under her skin again. But that's also what she told herself last time. And the last time. And the last. And that other time. And the-
Relationships: Kim Hanbin | B.I/Lee Hayi | Lee Hi
Kudos: 16





	here we go again

**Author's Note:**

> idk how much the tag ‘toxic relationship’ covers but this fic contains the v basic and common signs of one so i decided to include it. this does not include violence, physical/emotional abuse/manipulation, etc. but this does not also mean that i condone the type of relationship represented in this fic
> 
> this is inspired by demi lovato’s [here we go again](https://open.spotify.com/track/0tLINHcXrPjMv6UowDsWx8?si=ef4IdBKqQSiwpVgoqbl1IQ)

If someone passes by the second floor of Building 7, raised voices can be heard along the halls. 

This is not the first time it has happened. 

It is also not the first time that Hayi and Hanbin are the cause of it. 

_It is also not the first time_ that Hayi has sworn to herself that it is going to be the last time she’ll forgive him. 

She makes the same promise again but this time, she means it. 

She has just finished taking out all of Hanbin’s stuff from her bedroom (at least the ones she sees past her rage) and drops them to an empty box she has originally saved for her art materials. 

She gives the box a strong kick and it skids across the floor, hitting Hanbin lightly by the feet. 

He looks down at his stuff, sighs, then lifts his head with the same pitiful expression Hayi had fallen for for so many times. She won’t be fooled this time. 

He asks, “Why don’t you trust me?” 

Hayi almost screams in disbelief, “Why don’t you trust _me_?” 

“What are you talking about? You’re the one who snooped into my phone!” 

“And you’re the one who lied to me!” 

Hanbin takes a step closer towards her, “Hayi, baby-”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“I didn’t lie to you.”

The statement makes her snap her head towards him. She instantly feels her cheeks flame due to the rising fury. This can only be caused by either blushing profusely or the former. (Hanbin has that kind of effect on her.) Unfortunately, they are in a situation which causes the former. 

“I asked you where you were last night and you-” Hayi jabs a finger at his chest with every syllable that follows, “-said-that-you-were-home!”

“I was! I was home when you asked.” 

“Dumbass! You’re missing the point!” Hayi takes a quick breath to regain her control. 

“Then what-?”

Hayi groans, hands pulling at the roots of her hair, “You didn’t care to tell me that you’re heading to the bar with your stupid friends! God, Hanbin! Keeping something from your girlfriend is considered lying.” 

“What?” Hanbin cries in disbelief. “No, it’s not!” 

Hayi sees his hoodie on the couch and chucks it at him. “Get out!” 

“Babe-”

“Get _out_! I don’t ever wanna see you again.”

“Will you hear me out first?” 

“No! I’ve heard enough. Just- Take your things and go.” Hayi kicks the box again. “All of it!” 

Hayi doesn't stick around to see if Hanbin does as he's told. She storms into her bedroom and slams the door shut; the last thing she sees is his confused and hopeless expression. 

“So you’re really broken up?” Suhyun stares at her over the melting melon popsicle in her hand. Hayi pretends not to see the skepticism in her face as she focuses on her own ice cream. 

“Yep.” 

“You sure this time?” 

“Yep.” 

“You know that’s also what you said last time, right?” 

Hayi finally looks at her and immediately wishes she hadn’t. Suhyun wears a look of worry and doubt on her face. Hayi hates it when her friend worries about her. No, she hates it because Suhyun’s the only one who’s always worrying about her. Isn’t she the older one? Shouldn’t she be the one to serve as a role model to her younger friend? Shouldn’t Hayi be the one to give out relationship advice and not the other way around? 

Hayi reaches out for her hand on the table. There’s a sticky feeling in their touch and she doesn’t know if it came from her hand or Suhyun’s but neither of them seem to care. 

“I know, Hyun. I mean it this time. That was the last straw.” 

Suhyun is quiet for a moment until she says, “Even if he comes crawling back to you on his knees?” 

The idea sends a light prickle in Hayi’s chest. Before she can dwell on the feeling much longer, Suhyun continues, “Even if you see him crying his heart out, begging for you to take him back?” 

Suhyun must have seen the change in her expression, the hesitation, the change of heart, because she sighs out loud and rolls her eyes. Again, not for the first time. 

“I knew it.” 

Hayi shakes her head. “No, no. I’m sure about what I said.” 

“Mmm-hmm.” Suhyun hums as she devours her popsicle. 

But Hayi _is_ sure this time - she had gotten rid of everything that belonged to Hanbin in her apartment (yes, including his toothbrush), she had taken down all the photos in her room, burned all his letters, deleted his number, their chat thread, _everything_. 

There is not a trace of him left in her life. 

Except in her past, but that doesn't really count now. 

And perhaps also, in her mind. (Which most definitely counts.) 

Two weeks after their alleged break up, Hayi starts to cave in. Suddenly, everything around her reminds her of Hanbin. From the little succulent by her mother’s kitchen window to her classmate’s mismatched sneakers. Suddenly, every song is about _him_ . Every romantic film she watches is about _them_. 

Everywhere she goes, she’s being haunted by the ghost of her love for him and his for hers. 

And she’s afraid - god, she’s so afraid - that she’s gonna end up eating her words that she has sworn both to herself and to Suhyun. 

But this too, is not the first time it has happened. 

Another week later, Hanbin shows up at her doorstep, drunk and disheveled. 

“I’ve been calling you.” 

Hayi folds her arm across her chest; not to appear intimidating in front of him, no. But more of an attempt to keep her heart from breaking all together. 

Three weeks. 

It’s been three weeks since she has last seen and heard of him. 

“I blocked your number.” 

Hanbin whimpers, “Why?” 

“Because we’ve broken up.” She says in a nonchalant tone, although it breaks her heart to say every word. “And I don’t want to be tempted to contact you again.” 

Hanbin is sniffing now and he wipes his sleeve across his face. “Okay.” 

There’s a finality in his tone and upon noticing this, Hayi starts in a surge of panic. She asks, “Why are you here?” 

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I got drunk. I missed you. I called you. Call didn’t go through. I still missed you. I wanted to see you. I saw you now. I’m leaving.”

“Idiot.” Hayi chases after him in the hallway, kicking him at the back of the knee. The attack makes him fall to the floor and he groans as he sprawls himself on the ground defeatedly. 

Hayi, instead of helping him up, settles herself beside him, folding her legs in a cross-sitting position. 

The hallway light is dim, barely lighting up the scene. Hanbin stays still, his head turned up to the ceiling. From where she’s positioned, she couldn’t tell if he has his eyes closed or not. The only thing she can make out under the dim light is his high nose line and the shape of his plump lips. 

It's two of her most favorite things about his face and Hayi couldn't help placing a hand on his chest as the feeling of longing creeps in her heart. She feels the steady rising of his chest and eventually, when she has concentrated enough, the light thumping of his heart through the layer of his clothes. 

“I missed you too.” She whispers and for a while, she thinks she must have said it so quietly that Hanbin didn’t hear her. 

But he places his hand over hers and that simple gesture alone tells her that she’s done for. 

She's totally caving in to her feelings now. Caving in for her insurmountable love towards Hanbin. 

Or to just Hanbin himself. 

“Help me up.” 

Hayi grabs him by the arms and lifts him with all the strength she has. As soon as he’s sitting up, he wraps his arms around her in one swift movement, giving her no time to process what’s happening. 

Soon, the remaining distance between them disappears and Hanbin is kissing her so tenderly, long enough that she can inhale his breath and start to feel the taste of alcohol in her own mouth. 

_Shit_. 

Hanbin kisses her as if he's making up for lost time. As if the lost time wasn't actually three weeks but three years. 

And Hayi kisses him back because she can. Because he's here. Because she's scared that the next time they fight wouldn't end up with them making up again. 

She kisses him as if there wouldn’t be a next time. 

When they pull away, Hayi hangs her head. She feels a lump in her throat and if Hanbin didn't start laughing for no reason, she would have burst into tears. 

Soon, she's laughing along with him. 

_Shit, here we go again_. 


End file.
